A few weeks ago, I had an episode of depression that was lower than low. I was taking a nap and didn't want to get out of bed, or for that matter, do anything. My entire body felt numb. And, I had dreams of squelching a cigarette out on my arm. (No, I didn't do that, but the fact it was there made me realize that I'd slipped further down than just home remedies could treat.)
And I have to say: I feel better than I've felt in a long while.
I had no idea I had slipped so far. Because depression runs in my family, my doctor said that I will probably be on depression meds on and off for the rest of my days.
And I hate that.
I hate the fact that I will need medication for my brain chemicals to function correctly. I hate the fact I can't just be 'normal.'
I especially hate the fact that I can't 'out-think' this. God knows, I have tried to 'just think positive thoughts and it'll get better' and it just doesn't work.
At the same time, I also hate being so depressed I can't function like a normal human being.
So, given the two options, I'll take the pill. It's sort of like getting glasses. You can complain about the fact that you can't see, or you can just get the glasses and deal with it.
I'll follow this up with the standard advice that I give to so many people who write to me after seeing this blog: if you're depressed or have thoughts of harming yourself, call a doctor immediately.
It really is that serious.
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