I’m Back on Depression Meds and I Hate it

A few weeks ago, I had an episode of depression that was lower than low. I didn't want to get out of bed, or for that matter, do anything. My entire body felt numb. And, I had dreams of squelching a cigarette out on my arm. (No, I didn't do that, but the fact it was there made me realize that I'd slipped further down than just home remedies could treat.)

Symbyax: Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
So, I called my doctor's office and they said I needed to come in immediately. And, after running blood tests to see if my thyroid and other glands were working correctly, they put me on Symbyax, which is a combination of Prozac and Zyprexa. My doctor told me the Prozac was for the depression and the Zyprexa was for the 'stinkin thinkin' that my mind was doing.

And I have to say: I feel better than I've felt in a long while.

I had no idea I had slipped so far. Because depression runs in my family, my doctor said that I will probably be on depression meds on and off for the rest of my days.

And I hate that.

I hate the fact that I will need medication for my brain chemicals to function correctly. I hate the fact I can't just be 'normal.'

I especially hate the fact that I can't 'out-think' this. God knows, I have tried to 'just think positive thoughts and it'll get better' and it just doesn't work.

At the same time, I also hate being so depressed I can't function like a normal human being.

So, given the two options, I'll take the pill. It's sort of like getting glasses. You can complain about the fact that you can't see, or you can just get the glasses and deal with it.

I'll follow this up with the standard advice that I give to so many people who write to me after seeing this blog: if you're depressed or have thoughts of harming yourself, call a doctor immediately.

It really is that serious.

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2 responses to “I’m Back on Depression Meds and I Hate it”

  1. janie

    hi thanks for your sharings on the depression site—- it is so helpful to hear from people like you– I have been off lexapro for about 2 months now— also was pretty hooked on ambiem every night— decided to stop all— have been on SAMe for aboout a month now– still feel pretty depressed esp in the am when I wake up and realize I need to face a new day— low energy — and feeling like I can’t rise above this– hate the thought of going back on meds— are you finding the Syprexa is helping?? any side effects you like to share?–thanks for taking the time to respond

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  2. Daniel

    You should try to supplement with MoodBoost Drink. It’s an all natural flavored drink mix supplement for mood support and energy. It contains ingredients that have been associated with relieving symptoms of depression and also alleviate anxiety. It’s a great product and it really helped me without the need for pharmaceuticals. I tried SAM-e before but I got cramps in my calfs so that didn’t work too well for me but MoodBoost Drink contains Vitamin D, St. John’s Wort, B12, 5-HTP and some minerals as well. You should take a look at it. Best of luck to you!

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